Be careful what you wish for; wishes have a way of coming true, and they can have serious consequences for those we love most.

We assume that if our health changes our kids, spouse or another family member will step up and provide the care we need. But will they? And at what cost?

If aging baby boomers are expected to provide healthcare for their parents, they should know in advance the price they will pay in the form of their own health, retirement lifestyle plans and the toll it can take on their relationships with a spouse, children and grandchildren. More important, those who plan on having their children provide long-term health care for them better make sure the kids know it!

Families are being torn apart because parents do not share their expectations with adult children. The adult children risk a similar situation by not talking to their own kids. Three and four generations are being affected by the graying of America.

There is a disease among us that is affecting women, in particular, but men as well. I refer to it as “Designated Woman Syndrome.” Whether or not they are aware of it, 80% of women, young and old, have been designated to be someone else’s caregiver. It could be a spouse, a mother, father, parent in law or a sibling. And the reality is that 90% of care is provided and received in someone’s home.

A caregiver must have an income and hold a family together, but almost 30% of caregivers under age 65 say they have quit their jobs to provide care for another person, and 25% have reduced their work hours. Some female caregivers have three jobs. They care for their children, they care for a spouse or an elderly parent and they work a full time job.

Long-Term Care is a family issue, and an economic issue. A woman, on becoming a caregiver, may have to go from a full-time position to a part-time work schedule. She is already earning 74¢ to every $1.00 her male counterpart is earning. She then has less of both necessary and discretionary income. She has less for the savings account, less money being paid in to her own Social Security account, less money to contribute to her own 401K and could lose out on employer matching contributions.

A caregiver may also be forced to take a 12-week unpaid family leave, which results in a loss of income for three months. She may not even be able to assume her previous position when she returns and will be obligated to pay for the three months of health benefits that stayed in effect while she was gone. What if she then is forced to work part time and loses those health benefits? This caregiver has compromised her own physical and emotional well being in addition to suffering a significant financial loss.

WHO WILL CARE FOR THE CAREGIVER?
Ideally, this woman had the forethought to plan for her own Long-Term Care, because now she is painfully aware that she cannot expect the same from her own spouse, children or extended family. Long-Term Care insurance should be a consideration whether you are 40 or 70. None of us wants to spend our last years in poverty, nor do we want to place a burden on others. Before saying, “my kids will take care of me,” take advantage of the coming holidays, when families are together, and address the elephant in the room. Start the conversation, open up the dialogue and, by all means, write down what has been decided. Make sure everyone involved knows the plan and is up to the task. By not planning for your own Long-Term Care, you have made a decision to make it someone else’s problem. But are they willing to take on that responsibility? Do they really know what that means? The time to ask is before you need care. Let’s talk about it.

Dorothy McMahon, president of McMahon and Associates, is a Long-Term Care Insurance Consultant in Bloomfield Hills, MI. Reach her at (248) 844-9787 or LTCINSUSA@aol.com.